Wow. The last month has been a whirlwind for me. It has taken me a month to sit down and force myself to write this post.

I feel like I have gone through so many life changes in such a short amount of time. I have been trying so hard to take it day by day but some days I find that the sadness of it all catches up to me. I know that sounds so depressing but when I started this blog I told myself I wanted to be honest. I didn’t want this to be a “highlight reel”.

Let’s start with my career.

There were lots of changes happening at my company due to the Oil and Gas climate. I got laid off on July 20th.

Most people would take that as a major financial and emotional hit to their family but Eric and I looked at it as a new opportunity for me. I am now able to stay at home with Brynn and soak up all the time with her and keep the house running!

This was one of our big goals as a family for a long time so we honestly couldn’t be happier with the situation!

The day after I got laid off, I had the miscarriage at home. It started at about 11:30am and ended around 3:30pm.

I had never gone through one before so I didn’t know what to expect. It was graphic and traumatic for me AND Eric. I’m just so glad I have Eric as my partner in life because he was there for me through it all. I wish someone would have warned me because it’s the closest thing to childbirth that I have come to. Brynn was a c-section baby so I never felt any contractions or anything like that with her.

In the last 3 weeks I have gone to the doctor 3 times to do hcg blood draws to confirm that my hcg was decreasing to less than 5.

I’m finally hcg free and just taking this month off basically. We have to wait for my period to start and then I can call my doctor to start the next steps.

The big question I have been getting is, What’s Next?

The answer to that is, my doctor wants us to do what is called an ERA test. An Endometrial Receptivity Array. It’s basically a mock transfer cycle. I will be taking all the stimulation injections and meds just like I did for my last transfer, except on my transfer day instead of transferring an embryo, he will be taking a biopsy of my lining.

This test will tell me if we transferred too early, too late or on the correct day. Nonetheless, it was a hard decision to make because that will be pushing back any chance of baby for another month. It will definitely give us some answers as to why my transfer didn’t work and what we can do to fix it in the future.

Mentally, it’s been a rough month for me. I think a lot of it has to do with stopping all the hormones cold turkey and then having to go through that miscarriage. BUT I keep telling myself it’s all going to work out in the way God wants it to be.

I’m going to do better about writing posts on here in the future. It’s almost like therapy for me to just get my thoughts out on the Internet. I feel better after lol.

Thank you again to every single person that has reached out to us the past few weeks. We can only go up from here right? 🙂

Another update soon.

Xo, Jess